Three50z

Zack, 19, Upstate ny

fartgallery:

if youre wondering why im sewing all these tiny underwears and laying them on the floor its because i want all these spiders in my house to put them on. sick of them dragging their tiny spider dicks all over my clean floor

(via dutchster)

sassy-brain:

I JUST FOUND COMEDIC GOLD ON A PORN WEBSITE OMFG

I WAS LOOKING UP PORN TO SHOW MY ROOMMATE WHO JAMES DEEN IS AND I FOUND A GUY WHO CALLS HIMSELF LIMERICK LARRY AND HE WRITES POEMS ABOUT THE PORN VIDEOS

I CAN’T BREATHE

(via dutchster)

sexfoodbikesetc:

bewilden:

fileformat:

how are these people not dead

Oh he can eat plastic bags and the other lady can eat drywall, but if I want to enjoy some fucking cookie dough I’ll get salmonella and die


^ hahahahaha

sexfoodbikesetc:

bewilden:

fileformat:

how are these people not dead

Oh he can eat plastic bags and the other lady can eat drywall, but if I want to enjoy some fucking cookie dough I’ll get salmonella and die

^ hahahahaha

basketc8se:

tbh a lot of jokes on tumblr that start out funny get rly annoying after a while but none pizza with left beef hasn’t gotten any less funny in like two years and I’m not sure why

(via estadosunidosoficiales)

Anonymous asked: Good tips on eating out

fuckingkisses:

go to the nearest olive garden

Anonymous asked: How to make a girl really wet

fuckingkisses:

spit on her

untilyourbreathingst0ps:

pearls:

pearls:

i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun

sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard 

ive seen this post umpteen times and ive always thought that if you switched u and i around it wouldn’t make sense like “u touched a” and i literally just realised you meant duck and not dick i swear to god i am the biggest fucking idiot.

(Source: gingerbreadlou, via lexiet0asters)